Numb
by I' Alatariel
Summary: It's a oneshot built around Linkin Park's Numb. Tidus contemplates the relationship with Jecht.


I don't own the FFX characters or the Linkin Park song, buuuut I sure wish I did!

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be,  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface."

Everyone's cheering here in Luca. I feel like I'm home. The lights are shining down, the winds picking up. The dome fills quickly. We're about to begin, but even here, I can't escape your scowl and throaty growl of a voice. "You're no good crybaby, just keep crying! That's all your good for." Those words haunt me like a nightmare that stays long after you've woken up. I have nightmares about you, you know that? You call me a crybaby everytime. I was seven then. Now I'm seventeen. A decade's a long time without a father, and I've come to realize I don't need you...

"Don't know what your expecting of me..."

Hmph. Come to think of it, the only time I did need you, you weren't there. Not when I kicked the blitzball the right way. Not when I drew a new picture. You were always drunk. You never watched when you were drunk. You never watched period. Even if you did notice you would say, "Not as good as me, after all I'm the best."

Not that I gave a damn. Well... not really.

And it hurt so bad watching mom. You were the only person who made her happy. And when you came around, I was a ghost to the both of you. Always. Only a ghost with a tiny blitzball his hands and a messy mop of blonde hair.

"Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes...

What's worse, I just had to be YOUR son. "Jecht the Magnifcent's kid," or the boy of "Jecht the Best Blitzer Ever." I'm so sick of hearing people compare me to you that I could scream.

("Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow.")

And right when I think I've topped you, another one of your "loyal fans" brings up another one of your outstanding records, and I'm sucked under you again, fighting against the current you've created just for me.

"Every step that I take is another mistake to you... (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow.)"

But I don't understand how you can still get to me after your DEAD. You're dead old man. Well, no. You aren't dead are you. That's right old man, Auron told me. You're Sin. I guess pushing around your wife and kid in Zanarkand wasn't enough and you had to come and terrorize Spira. That's all about to change though. I won't let innocent people suffer the same way we did.

"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. I've become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all I want to do Is be more like me, and be less like you."

You know, it's almost funny. I was so close to the top in Zanarkand, and then you come and destroy my home, and zap me to this little place in Spira. For a while I thought I could be a star, my own person, and that I could start over without you towering over me. You disappeared at sea. But life likes to throw you curveballs. You were here too, as High Summoner Braska's "Number One Guardian" on his pilgrimage; so even in a completely different world you are always one step ahead.

"Can't you see that you're smothering me, holding too tightly, afraid to lose control..."

Speaking of High Summoner Braska... I'm his daughter's guardian, and I think... that I'm falling for her, not that you'd care. She said she met you when she was young, and that you were "a kind and gentle man." Ha. You? Kind and Gentle? Yeah, right. You're just a control freak, but not for long, because Yuna's on a pilgrimage now... to stop you.

"Cause everything that you thought I would be... Has fallen apart, right in front of you."

You always wanted me to grow up and follow in your footsteps, but I could never do that. You're an old drunk, a burnt out blitzer with nothing better to do than criticize... I could never be like you. I couldn't hurt people for the sheer joy of it... I won't be like you... I.. won't.

"Every step that I take, is another mistake to you.  
And ever second I waste is more than I can take..."

I'm so tired of hearing your voice when I kick a blitzball, or seeing your smirk when I look in the mirror every morning. Parts of you make up me, and I fight back the urge to rip them out. I just want to destroy you for good. I want to destroy that smirk, that laugh, that taunting voice. I hate you so much, old man. I hate you. But..

"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there. I've become so tired, so much more aware. I'm becoming this, all I want to do. Is be more like me, and be less like you."

you know, sometimes when I'm lying in bed at night I wish it could have been different. I wish we could have gotten along instead of cutting each other down. Wish you could have.. noticed. Auron says that you loved me, and maybe you did... but you sure as hell didn't know how to show it. Maybe I loved you too... or I still do. No... What am I saying? Ha. You love me? Me love you? Never.

"And I know, I may end up failing to... But I know, that you were just like me with someone disappointed in you..."

I realize I may never go down in history as being better than my father, the great Sir Jecht, or Jecht the Magnificent, but I'm going to try with every bit of whom I am. Deep down, I know that you're sorry, and I want to forgive you... but I hate you so much. I hate you for what you did to mom, for what you did... to me. I hate you for becoming Sin and taking me away from my Zanarkand. My home.

"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there..."

I just want you to disappear for good. I can do that.

"I've become so tired, so much more aware..."

I know I'm your son. I know I can't change that, but I can do something. I can help Spira. I can change this world. I can show you what I'm made of.

"I'm becoming this all I want to do, is be more like me, and be less like you."

My name is Tidus. Son of Jecht. Guardian of Summoner Yuna. Star of the Zanarkand Abes. A little bit of a crybaby.. sometimes. And I'll never be anything else. There's a job that must be done, and I plan to do it well. I'll defeat you, old man. I just hope I make you proud in the process.

"Tired of being what you want me to be..."

And now, the game's starting.


End file.
